Matt and Kristin's On-line Wedding Scrapbook |
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The Emotions We asked ourselves what was going through our heads and hearts during the Big Day and wrote down those impressions here. Matt I never felt nervous or stressed on that day. I'm sure that I was, but I never felt that way. I felt like I was in the field, and I had a time-critical objective to complete. Like when the weather breaks and you've only got a few hours to complete the work two days of work before you hear the helicopter coming to pick you up. Every second counts, and as the final moment draws nearer, plans need to be constantly rearranged so that priority goals dont get missed. So I was basically too busy and focused to be nervous or stressed. Maybe that's just semantics, but in any case it felt pretty natural to me. We had a lot to do in a short amount of time and it needed to stay a secret, but I had a hand-picked crew of very capable help and I had no doubt that we would succeed. Waiting around for Kristin to finish her hair was perhaps a little stressful. I hadnt eaten all day and there was nothing to do but sit and wait with my parents. Between not getting a full night's sleep in several days, drinking heavily every night, and having a cold, my stomach was in no mood for omlettes. Wheat toast worked just fine. When we finally got the word that Kristin was ready, I felt kinda invincible, like Jack Burton and Egg about to get in big trouble in Little China. A gun-point robbery could have been going on in the lobby at that moment, and I would have simply punched them out and continued on to the deck without pausing. When we got outside, I realized how little we had rehearsed, but it didnt matter, I knew that we had already won the war, the rest was just gravy. I walked to the front with my mother, took my place in the front, and watched intently at the door for Kristin to follow. Will the bagpiper started up, and I remembered thinking that we placed him so far out of sight that Kristin might think it was just a CD playing in the background. Fortunately by the time we leaned over to wave him up, he was already at the deck. When Kristin made it to the door, everyone stood up and blocked our view of each other. I remember asking Susan, standing next to me at the front, whether she thought Kristin had seen me yet. I knew that she hadn't, and I watched her reaction as she turned the corner up the aisle. She was the most beautiful vision I had ever seen, in her white cape, smiling in the sun, holding her father's arm. When she finally reached the front, and Mike removed her hood, I had to stifle the frog in my throat, knowing that she had look forward to that moment all her life. When she stood in front of me, I remembered thinking how clever I was that I had stuffed all my pockets with kleenex to keep feeding to her. I almost didnt bring enough. The perfect weather and all of our plans falling into place combined to make a perfect ceremony. I remember sitting down, it was the first time I sat down and had to think about my legs, and just soaking in the moment. People stood and talked and said nice things to us and about us, and I felt like I could not have asked for a better life or for better luck. I've had some pretty low moments in my life, like most people likely, where I've wondered whether the paths I took were worth the extra effort and whether I should try to be more like so and so, but at that moment I had no doubts about who I was, where I've been, or where I was going. When we began our vows, I distinctly remember the crowd's reaction at the first few lines. I think one or two people got it during Susan's first lines, a couple more got it when Kristin spoke alone, but everyone got it when Susan began the second verse. Especially Brian, who I remember laughing the loudest. I had such trouble putting the ring on Kristin's finger that for a while I forgot I was getting married. I remember wondering about what could cause a person's ring size to change in a few hours. What is the extra 'stuff' in the finger and where does it fit? I felt briefly like I was transported back to field work and that all my concentration needed to be spent on getting that ring on or else. Once our part was over and Will began playing again, I think perhaps the highlight of the whole ceremony for me was turning around and seeing everyone looking back at us, with literally thousands of bubbles hovering over their heads. We had specifically bought those particular bubbles because they worked so well, but it simply caught me off guard to see so many sparkling in the sunshine. I remember touching Kristin's shoulder to point them out, as she was watching Will play. Susan asked me whether we should just end it then, as neither of us expected Will to start playing, but I'm glad we waited and finished what we had planned. If I have one regret from the whole weekend, it was not looking back at my parents at that moment. They were in the first row, just a few feet in front of us, and between watching the bubbles, wondering whether we should cut the ceremony short, and looking back at the crowd at eye level, I simply forgot and lost the chance to read their emotions and share that moment with them. I remember before the ceremony wondering how we were going to exit, and once it was over not really remembering what we decided. But we walked through the arbor onto the lawn and assumed the rest would follow. Our parents came first and gave us big hugs, and soon we were hugging everyone in turn, waiting for Eric the photography to get set up for a group picture. Once that was finished, we spent the next hour taking photos with various combinations of people. During those photos, I didnt just feel invincible, we had just proved we were invicible. We had just kicked the winning field goal from 60 yards out during overtime in the Superbowl of weddings, and it was time to celebrate. I remember catching TJ's eye during the photos and making the universal symbol for wanting a drink. He pointed towards his, a martini, with a question mark. I made the motion of opening a tap, and he got the message and brought over two bigs ones. At some point Kathleen came over and asked us what our intentions were for dinner, it being about an hour later than we initially told her. We wrapped up the photos and went in to eat. I think Dan and AnnMarie were the happiest about that, as they spent most of the time holding the flash units to keep them from blowing over in the light breeze. Everyone was already seated, and I was glad to see that someone had taken care of getting everyone to take a 'Filet', 'Halibut', 'Salmon', 'Chicken' or 'Lasagna' ticket to put at their place setting (I spent a fair amount of time earlier that day when time was at a premium to make those cards!). When Kristin and I sat down at the head table, I remember telling her that I never told anyone what I wanted for dinner; neither had she. Fortunately, sitting at the head table has its advantages, and our favorite waitress brought us drinks and food nearly immediately. We decided that we would sit alone at a large table, but have seats around the table so that others could visit with us. Brendan came over first and asked whether we were feeling anti-social, sitting alone. After chatting a bit and demonstrating the plan successfully, Brendan took advantage of the PA system, explained the system to rest of the group, and we spent the next six hours talking, drinking, and making the most of every moment. At some point, the DJs came over and said that they were leaving in 45 minutes. I hadnt really even noticed that they were there, but apparently they had been working for 4 hours already. So we chugged our drinks, herded the cats back into the dining room, and got the tango music going. I dont remember much about the dance, except that, similar to the vows, most people didnt get it until after the first few moves. I thought it came off pretty well. At least I didnt drop her at the dip. The rest of the evening is largely a blur at this point. We went outside to get some sunset photos, and I remember thinking, why are we paying a DJ to keep us inside when we could be standing out here? Apparently most everyone else felt similarly. Sometime after midnight, I was exhausted and ready for bed. Or at least sleep. It was all over by that point, the only people left standing were the DU crowd and the photographer, all trying to get my money's worth from the bar. Considering that everyone there would likely jump at the chance to 'get back at me' for some misunderstood act of comedy from years past, I thought it wiser to pass out in our locked bedroom than in the bar, and that's what we did. Or at least that's my story and I'm sticking to it... Kristin I used to announce to my family and friends that I was never going to get married. I had seen too many people get married for the worst reasons and swore I’d never compromise. The circumstances and the man had to be perfect or it wasn’t worth the trouble. My motto was that I would rather be alone than unhappy. Then Matt came along ... what is it they say, never say never? So now the independent, stubborn, tomboy was getting married in a few hours. I was able to weather the chaos prior to the wedding by continually reminding myself that the most important thing was that Matt and I would be committing our lives to each other in front of our family and friends and if something wasn’t absolutely perfect it wouldn’t really matter. Yet I still worried. The night before the wedding I woke up almost every hour to look outside to see if I could still see Denali. I kept thinking that as long as the weather was good things would be okay. I was more nervous about everyone having a good time than I was about getting married. In my heart I had already made that commitment. We finally got out of bed and decided to take a nice relaxing bubble bath, thinking we could share a little private quiet time before separating to get ready. Although very little up to this point was traditional, Matt still hadn’t seen my dress and I wanted to keep it that way. I accidentally poured too much bubble bath into the Jacuzzi tub and we ended up having a mountain of bubbles in the bathroom, what a mess! We cleaned up a bit then practiced our dance. I was so wound up that I couldn’t concentrate and was going way too fast. I was getting so anxious that I just wanted to speed up time and get things moving. Matt calmed me down long enough to get the dance steps a little better and then we split up to get ready for the big event. There just seemed to be so many things that I wanted/needed to do before the ceremony. I can’t seem to remember what they were, but at the time they were super important! All I know is that I felt like I was running in circles, which was actually good because I didn’t have time to be nervous. I was actually in pretty good shape until Terri showed up to do my hair. She had just finished working with my mom, Matt’s mom, my sister and my friend Margaret. She had done their hair as well as make-up, so it was no surprise that she was running a little behind. As she was doing my hair I had to sit still, which meant I had time to think……bad thing to do. I began to get nervous, thinking of all the things that could go wrong. Thank god for Heidi, Margaret and Terri who kept me chatting and helped me not freak out too much. Kelly popped in and out to see how things were going, and Eric the photographer added some much needed comic relief. Everything was going fine until I looked at my watch. We weren’t even half way finished with my hair and it was 2:45. The wedding was supposed to start at 3:30, I then began to freak out. I hate being late, for anything, but especially for my wedding. My heart was thudding in my chest as I mentioned to Terri that we were running a little late. She had no way of knowing that I was close to a melt down. Susan came in to see how things were going and Terri said we would be ready by 4:00. I almost died. What can you do? Susan returned to tell us that Matt said to be ready by 3:45. She said it nicely but I could read between the lines and knew that Matt was furious. So now not only was I horrified at being late, I was worried about Matt being in a foul mood for the wedding. I had the choice to either completely lose it, or just put on my best poker face and pray that some miracle would happen. I simply did not want to fall apart. Susan came back from seeing Matt again and said the magic words “Matt says not to worry”. I knew he was still fuming, and that he was probably still pacing like a caged tiger, but I also knew that he realized that I was suffering too and didn’t want to make it any worse. I might be delaying things, making my guests wait, but I realized right then and there that Matt wanted to hug me just as badly as he wanted to strangle me. Things were going to be okay. Terri finally finished with my hair and makeup, so I quickly put on my dress with the help of my sister and put on the cape. When I saw my reflection in the mirror, I almost didn’t recognize myself. I had to laugh, for someone who didn’t want a story book wedding wearing that cape made me look like I stepped right out of a fairy tale. Eric the photographer turned to me and said “do you have a magic wand?” and he was right, I did look like Glenda the good witch or something. My father had arrived at that point and everyone else had left except for the photographer. Dad insisted that I stay away from the window so no one could see me. He looked so handsome in his tux, and that’s when I noticed his tie. He had a plaid tie on instead of a bow tie. I told him I thought it looked great and he said he liked it better than the rotten bow tie. I just figured it was my Daddy trying to add a little flavor to the wedding, which was just fine with me. I was proud of him for wearing it. It was now my turn to wait. Dad was supposed to wait for Susan to give him the signal, and then he was going to walk me down the stairs out onto the deck. Dad kept watching, and afraid that he missed the cue he just yelled down to everyone “Is that the signal?”. It was perfect, a great way to relieve some of the tension I was feeling. He finally turned to me and said 'here we go'. I took his arm and we marched right out the door. Right out the door without my bouquet, that is. I didn’t even notice until well into the ceremony. Eric took a photo of us at the top of the stairs before we descended. There were other hotel guests gathered at the bottom of the stairs watching us, many oohing and aahing as we approached. I was concentrating so hard at not tripping that I didn’t really notice the lack of music at first. It wasn’t until we actually stepped outside that I heard bagpipes. As soon as we stepped outdoors, my first impulse was to look at Matt, but before I could see him everyone stood up. I was waiting for the DJ to play the wedding march to start our walk behind the guests to the aisle and then up the aisle. The only problem was that the DJ kept playing bagpipe music. I finally got it through my thick head that Dad and I were going to walk up the aisle to bagpipes, which I thought was really neat. I didn’t know if Matt arranged it or if Dad did, but I thought it was pretty neat none the less. We began to walk behind the guests, and I remember I kept looking for the speakers. The music was so loud and clear and yet I couldn’t see where the DJ was set up. That’s when we turned the corner and I saw Matt for the first time. My heart stopped. I inhaled so deeply that I literally popped two buttons on the back of my dress. Matt was standing at the front of the deck wearing a kilt. I don’t have the words to describe what an amazing visual that was, Matt in a kilt standing in front of Denali without one cloud in the sky. There isn’t a movie director alive that could have created that scene more perfectly. I then noticed something moving behind Matt to his right, a bagpipe player. The DJ wasn’t playing the music, a very talented 14 year old boy was playing the pipes in full regalia. I still tear up when I think of it. With all the thoughts and emotions swirling around inside me, and all the things I wanted to say to him, the only thing I could actually say was Thank You. It was better than any dream I have ever had. I was, without question, the happiest woman on the face of the earth. The fact that the man I loved had gone to so much trouble to make me happy when I would have been content with the rental tuxedo with the red bow tie and green cumberbund was completely overwhelming. When I finally reached the end of the deck, my dad lifted the hood of the cape off my head, kissed me then left to sit down. I turned to Matt, and saw that he had tears in his eyes as well. It was almost my undoing. I had no idea a heart could swell so much. I couldn’t control the tears and realized I didn’t have any tissues. Matt smiled at me, reached into his coat and handed me one. He had stuffed his pocket anticipating my sniffles. I had to force myself to pay attention to the ceremony. All I wanted to do was stare at him, hug him and cry uncontrollably. Luckily our ceremony was one that invited group participation and family and friends stood up to pass on messages to us. To hear the wonderful and heartfelt messages from the special people in our lives made me glow. I just about lost it completely when my cousin Jamie got up to speak, and I remember being so proud when Kelly spoke. I’ve already lost so many of the details, but the feelings I had as I sat there are still fresh in my mind, and I am so grateful. The rest of the ceremony and vows were great, and everyone responded the way we had hoped they would. Everything was so magical, and the image I will take with me for the rest of my life is when Matt and I finished kissing we turned towards our guests and there were thousands of bubbles in the air. The sun was glistening off the bubbles creating small rainbows all around. So there I was, holding Matt’s hand, looking at my loved ones surrounded by light. I will never forget that moment, and I thank everyone who was able to be a part of it. It was the energy and love shared that transformed the day into a dream. Everyone has since mentioned that they had a great time, but I can say with my whole heart that I had more fun than anyone! |