The trip did not go as planned
To this strange Siberian land.
The tale is long but must be told
Of the hearty adventurers that were so bold.
In Anchorage our trip began
Full of hope and much élan.
After months of work it was time to go,
But what lie ahead none could know.
Our cargo was handled by a man named Rick
Who we soon learned has a very small - lick
Of a brain inside his head,
A human clearly better off dead.
He screwed us over not once but thrice,
With work the quality of day old shiess.
Two flights we took and for both we paid
Much money because the planes were delayed.
Hazardous materials we had just a few,
But this was too much for the man with no clue.
Pulled off flight one at the very last minute,
Make the next flight? They almost didn't.
Finally it worked out that all people and gear
Made it to Magadan before the New Year.
To all it seemed that the battle was won,
But our problems with customs had not yet begun.
Because of Rick's screw ups with all of our freight,
Our documents contained an inaccurate weight.
Three days were spent weighing each box
And listing their contents, even the sox.
We had clearance from customs by the end of the week,
But our cargo plane? We saw not a peek.
Benjamin was the man that we paid
For this large plane a full week delayed.
This is a man who should be shot on sight
For his lies put us in a terrible plight.
When we arrived at the airport ready to go,
He said "Wait, wait, all your stuff can't go!"
Although he had this gear for over six days he
Never checked its volume 'cause he's too damn lazy.
With no time to argue out on the tarmac
We boarded the plane and didn't look back.
Once in Pevek he promised us all
To return the next day with our cargo in haul.
Six days later he finally came,
Repairs and fuel he said were to blame.
But now this pizduk had the balls to demand
The fuel for our choppers that we had in hand.
If not, he said, he would keep our stuff,
But we flipped him off and called his bluff.
Finally it worked out that all people and gear
Made it to Pevek before the New Year.
And though our battles were long and hard one,
The nightlife in Pevek was sure lots of fun.
Now here we were on the Arctic Ocean,
Our money all gone and barely a notion
Of how to return and with what to pay,
Plus our troubles with fuel changed every day.
Should we just give up and go home now?
Would NSF then have a holy cow?
The number of screw ups had reached two pages
And at this rate we wouldn't be home for ages.
"No" was the answer, we must proceed.
It was personal now, and all felt the need
To finish our quest despite the slow speed
And return victorious in word and deed.
So we called our friend Yuri to help us out
And within a few minutes, or thereabout,
We had fuel and helicopters standing by
And next we knew we were ready to fly.
One flight went off, then were two,
Thanks to Grisha and his friend who
Is the weather guy that signed the form
For flight #2 despite the storm.
Finally it worked out that all people and gear
Made it to the Lake before the New Year.
Although it had taken a month or more,
The trip would be worth it - that was sure.
Unpacking tents, assembling gear
Beginning the work that brought us here,
We soon forgot the problems we had -
Quickly replaced by ones not as bad.
Transporting electronics such a long way
Means that they will no longer just plug and play.
These days of debugging and creative rewiring
Had Connie dreaming of early retiring.
And with always another contraption to build,
Matt soon needed a position filled.
So Mike became the camp's apprentice
And we're all glad of the time he lent us.
Julie and Celeste began collecting slime
And diatoms to pass the time,
While Olga and Volodya, and Grisha too,
Checked out the rocks, avoiding that goo.
Captain Neissen and his first mate Bernd,
Did seismics from Helga where they learnt
The lake has a bottom and its filled with mud
Though finding this out took much sweat and blood.
So despite all the problems, which are boring to cite,
The data flowed in both day and night
And grew in size by leaps and bounds
So we filled the veranda with both light and sounds
To celebrate the choice we made
To continue on to the place we prayed
Would give answers to the questions we asked
About what the climate was like in the distant past.
This beautiful place we called our home
For over a month - enough time to roam
And catch a few moments around the lake.
Our decision to come? Clearly no mistake.
Eating Celeste's bread and Pavel's fish,
Including caviar with every dish,
Each meal was different and worth a try,
Though most of them ended without coffee or chi.
Even with food running low, spirits stayed high,
With enough jokes and screw ups to make us cry
For months on end in weather fair or sunny,
But when the T.P. ran out - it wasn't funny.
So we called the airport to let them know
That all of us were definitely ready to go.
And one week later they finally came,
After many excuses that all found lame.
Finally it worked out that all people and gear
Made it back to Pevek before the New Year,
And once again, the lake was left alone
To continue making history from stone.
Back in Pevek, we met our old friends,
Viewed the world anew through a vodka bottle lens,
Until that moment we had to hurry,
'The plane is here', though the words were slurry.
So we jammed it full and hopped on board
And slept a little while it soared
Back to Magadan where we found
Another plane waiting, Anchorage bound.
And before we knew it most people and gear
Made it back to Anchorage before the New Year.
After such hurried goodbyes with tears in our eyes
To find ourselves here was quite a surprise.
We talked of the future and made a big list
Then talked of the past and each promised
That finally all people BUT-NO-DAMN-GEAR
Would make it to AGU before the New Year.
Then, like green smoke in the wind
We spread across the globe
Until our color was lost.
But, like red flares at night
Our hearts light a path
To a priceless treasure embossed
"THE IMPACT Project 2000:
Memories of people, places,
and what happens when we get sauced".
This Vud's for you comrades.